


dumped at the swamp

by luna9tuna



Category: Shrek (Movies), おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: M/M, but god is it horrible, it was gonna be longer but I couldnt take it, it's a joke fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 21:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15127796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna9tuna/pseuds/luna9tuna
Summary: Todomatsu Matsuno was ditched by his brothers in an unfamiliar place. What awaits him within the swamps. Maybe he'll find love?





	dumped at the swamp

Todomatsu slogged through a puddle of mud with a face of displeasure plastered on his face. How did he even end up in this mess? The last thing he remembered was the mischievous gleam in his brothers’ eyes. He scoffed as he slapped a branch out of his path. 

The environment was humid and the air buzzed with life. The earth beneath Todomatu’s shoes squelched as his Gucci shoes sunk into the muck. Todomatsu slapped a mosquito that was suckling on his exposed thigh as he lamented this fact. At least his shorts meant his clothes wouldn’t get mud on them. He looked up briefly from the muck and saw an opening in the trees before him, and even better, solid ground. As fast as his legs could allow he slopped through the mud.

As his mud stained shoes finally hit firm soil Todomatsu rejoiced. Assuming he was alone he began leaping for joy and loudly expressing his delight at the mobility he had once again. But he wasn’t.

“What are you doing in my swamp?” A deep robust voice rang out.

Todomatsu froze and looked towards the source of the question. Mere feet from him stood an imposing figure, at least six feet tall. The beast had green skin, a portly build, and a horrifying face. It sported a scowl with teeth marred by filth, and its skin had countless blemishes and spots of unkown origin. 

“I’ll ask again. What are you doing in my swamp,”

This time he said it quieter, but it still had the same raw power of a threat. 

“I’M SO SORRY PLEASE DON’T EAT ME” Todomatsu screamed.

The green giant slowly lumbered closer, exaggerating his monstrous height. Todomatsu’s legs felt like stone; he couldn’t move an inch. He cowered as the beast stopped in front of him and leaned down, as if sizing him up. Todomatsu jumped as he felt something under his chin. The giant’s hand was tilting his face upward. Towards the giant’s own grotesque face. 

“Shrek” the giant said.

“W-what??”

“My name is Shrek,” his face softened as he said this, and he stood back up at his full imposing height. "Well, it’s pretty clear you don’t mean any harm since ya practically soiled yourself"

Shrek began walking further away from the muck Todomatsu has slogged through to get here. He realized Shrek had accepted his presence here and started trailing after him. It wasn’t long before a building appeared… or at least Todomatsu assumed it was. It was a squat looking stump-esque structure, but it had a door. His assumption was confirmed as Shrek kicked open the shoddy door and revealed a cozy living space evidently built for one. There was a small living room adorned with a wooden table and a leather recliner. 

“Make yourself comfortable” Shrek said in his accented voice. Todomatsu stepped quietly towards the recliner and curled up on it cautiously. “I thought maybe I could make you some dinner but maybe I’ll skip to dessert”

Shrek lowered himself over Todomatsu and placed both of his hands on each arm of the recliner. Todomatsu was suddenly aware of the ogre’s earthy musk. He glanced from Shrek’s lustful eyes down to his slightly exposed chest. It was slightly hairy and beaded with sweat. Todomatsu swallowed and turned his attention back to Shrek’s awaiting gaze. The ogre closed his eyes and began leaning down slowly, his lips puckering.

BAM

Shrek turned quickly as his door burst open but he quickly fell to the ground as another bang rang out. Jyushimatsu sat in the doorway on top of a donkey, with a shotgun in his sleeve covered hands, the barrel still smoking.

“what the fuck!!!” The donkey exclaimed.

“Totty, you ignorant slut we’re going home!” Jyushimatsu said leading the donkey further in by the hair. He picked up his younger pink clad brother and tucked him under his arm like a football. Steadily the donkey began trotting out of the home, his silence more shocking than the words he had said previously. Totty looked upon the fallen ogre as he was carried away. A tear rolled down his cheek. He was so sick of being a virgin.

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to criticize this it needs to be written in owo speak


End file.
